Through Central America by Motorcycle

On September 11th, 2023 I left Pigeon, Michigan, and headed out on a motorcycle trip with the end goal of Ushuaia, Argentina. The first whole week of travel was spent visiting my brother, Jon, and his family in Fredricksburg, and visiting Army friends in Columbus, GA. From there I got myself to Laredo, TX right on the border with Mexico and that is where the real adventure started!

From Laredo, I made it through the US side only to get turned around to go get change for the toll road. I did that and made it across with zero issues. I drove straight into Mexico without even having to talk to anyone! I later got escorted by some police officers to the immigration and vehicle import building when I asked them for help. That was a grueling process and honestly confusing. It wasn’t super straightforward, but I made it out and really only spent maybe 90 minutes there before getting on the road.

I drove to Monterey and wasted some time driving through some neighborhoods staring at how cool the mountains are there. I continued on and got gas a bunch of times. It’s kind of fun to have little test runs of Spanish for each gas station attendant.

The biggest blunder from the first day outside the US can be summed up in this message to my friend groupchat:

“I don’t know how to say this but… I was riding my motorcycle through some decent sized town in Mexico. I was going about 60kmph (37mph) when the vehicle in front of me hit the brakes quickly and a puppy bounced out from under the back bumper right in front of me. In a split second, I had to choose between swerving and very likely dumping the bike and potentially hurting myself or just fully sending it straight at the puppy.
I fully sent it and that little guy got ran over by my front tire and then I felt my left boot hit him as he tumbled out from his second consecutive wreck. I was so shocked considering I was just thinking to myself how much fun I was having on this trip and that I didn’t even look back to see if he made it. If I had to guess it didn’t look good for him..

Later I was getting some tortas and taquitos from a street vendor when a local dog came and sniffed my front tire. It’s like he knew what I had done.
The tortas were super good though and I tried to chat with the ladies cooking them to the best of my Spanish speaking ability. They thought it was crazy I was trying to ride my motorcycle to South America. I asked how safe the area was and they said it was good, but later they asked where I was staying for the night and when I told them camping in a tent they got all wide eyes and spoke rapidly about a bunch of different things I didn’t understand. The old lady of the group asked if I had any fear. I understood the world fear – “miedo” and when I heard her say it I said, “Miedo, PORQUE??” Again they all rapidly started giving responses and when I finally distinguished a word I zeroed in on it and asked what it meant. I don’t remember the word, but I remember the girl making a smashing motion with her fist to her head…”

Mexico had some really great roads and I made good progress. There were some really fun drives near a volcano crater and through mountainous canyons with cacti everywhere. Very fun driving on the windy roads!

In Chipas, Mexico there is a choke point as the land narrows coming from Central America. All day riding through this area I saw groups of immigrants headed north making their way to the United States. In one spot I stopped and talked to them and they said they were all from Venezuela looking to make it to the US. Pretty crazy to see the far-reaching effects of illegal immigration in southern Mexico.

The hardest part about traveling so much through multiple countries is all the border crossings. In Guatemala the official personnel were nice, but there are always others there to scam you. I made friends with the security guys at the customs building while temporarily importing my motorcycle and they kept trying to get me and this female police officer/border guard to talk. We talked a little using my terrible Spanish and then she asked for a photo together so I figured I had been take the opportunity to get one on my phone as well.

I cruised quickly into El Salvador the same day as I left Mexico and made it through Guatemala. As it was getting close to dark I decided to detour to the Pacific Ocean for sunset. I had a really great seafood meal overlooking the ocean during sunset. Stops like this are completely unplanned. I saw that it was going to get dark soon and I saw there was a coastal city close so I made the stop. I really enjoy the freedom of riding my own motorcycle and making those free decisions.

In Nicaragua, I drove past multiple active volcanoes with smoking coming out of them. The picture with the two volcanoes on the island has special meaning to me because eight years ago when I was 19 years old I took my first backpacking trip outside of the United States and I climbed the Volcano on the left, Mt. Concepcion. After I climbed it I rented a motor scooter to ride around on the island because I didn’t know how to ride a motorcycle. It’s crazy to see where I am now!

The trip through Nicaragua had more than its share of chaos when I ran over a baby pig about 10 minutes into my day of riding and also when I got pulled over by the Nicaraguan police. I also got pulled over twice while traveling through and the first time I have no idea why I was even pulled over. The second time was because I crossed over the center line in a no-passing zone which those zones hadn’t existed since the US as far as local traffic was concerned. In both instances, the police attempted to take my license and make me pay a fee. After some arguing in broken Spanish and telling them I would call the US embassy they eventually gave me my license back. I am traveling with a backup license precisely for this occasion though!

The photo below and the words written with it are taken straight from an Instagram post:

“Today was a big trip down memory lane as I drove on the Pan-American Highway through Nicaragua. Eight years ago I took my first backpacking trip out of the country to Nicaragua because Spirit Airlines flies there and it was the cheapest “exotic” location. It was my first time outside of the United States (Canada doesn’t count) and I did it alone as a 19 year old.

I specifically remember standing on a rope bridge in the jungle at a treehouse hostel thinking I have never felt more alive in my life. It was that same hostel where I got my phone stolen and while I came back from the trip with many stories I came back with almost zero photos. Today I took a detour to a beach I spent a day at during that original trip. I remember the day vividly. I met a World Race mission group and ended up in a volleyball tournament with them. I played in the ocean with that group and with my trip crush, this French Canadian girl I climbed a volcano with the day before. At night I got a piña colada at a bar on the beach while watching the NBA finals with a group of guys I’d met at the hostel.

As a 19 year old those were some of the most free and independent moments I’d ever had in my entire life. I was amazed at what life could be like if I didn’t listen to all the people telling me Nicaragua was dangerous or that I shouldn’t go alone. The memories and passion for adventure I got from that trip were worth it even if I did get my phone stolen. Besides, today I finally got my picture on that beach, eight years late, but feeling as every bit alive.”

Getting Around the Darian Gap

What is the Darian Gap? – “The Darién Gap is a roadless, lawless stretch of mountainous rainforest straddling Colombia and Panama. For centuries, it’s held the reputation of being virtually uncrossable, by locals and well-equipped visitors alike.”

If there are no roads how do you get your motorcycle through there and into South America? Since through wasn’t really an option my only choices were either to fly the bike and myself over or to go by sea around the gap. It costs around $1000 to fly a motorcycle from Panama City, Panama to Bogota, Columbia. On top of that, you need to pay around $200 to fly yourself. Also there is a lot of preplanning and paperwork involved. Since I am cheap and more so that I have been terrible at planning this whole trip I opted to go the over sea route.

I started by leaving the Pan American Highway and heading north into the Guna Yala indigenous territory to Carti, a small port. At this small port, I slept in my tent for two nights spending my days at the docks talking to any captain to see if I could find a fair price to Capurgana, Columbia. I had an offer for $500 and another for $1300 before finally finding a boat for $400. It is a long journey and it takes a lot of gas so $400 seemed fair though it is possible to find cheaper.

The above photo was my ride from Carti, Panama to Capurgana, Columbia with one stop in Puerto Obladia to get my passport exit stamp from Panama. The captain had just brought maybe 4 or 5 bicyclists over from Columbia and according to them had charged them $1000 each. I was happy to be the sole passenger on the return trip and only paying $400. However, this dude and his partner floored the boat the whole way even through waves. I ended up with a broken kickstand and some scratches on the bike, but nothing major. It was just frustrating he obviously didn’t care about my bike at all. I arrived at Capurgana and the Captain left me there immediately with a broken kickstand without a word. I spent one night in Capurgana before finding a ride to Turbo, Columbia which is connected to the rest of mainland roads again.

The above photo was my ride from Capurgana to Turbo. It was a large cargo ship and I negotiated a price of $125 for me and my bike to ride along. Technically in Columbia passengers aren’t allowed on cargo ships so I spent the first portion of the journey hiding under the deck until we were out in the open water. But in no way was I going to leave my motorcycle and all my gear to a boat captain and hope to see it again in Turbo once I got off the passenger ship. Getting smuggled also added to the adventure! This boat cruised so slow we didn’t even strap down my motorcycle. I spent time chatting with the other four crewmates. One guy was from Venezuela and he said his dad used to be a police chief there before being murdered. He himself is a criminal in Venezuela for speaking out against the government. So I guess now he is a boat motor mechanic making his living in Columbia. Very interesting to hear about the turmoil in Venezuela. The ride was long and grueling, but after 6 hours of slow rolling, we got to Turbo around 9pm and after doing some import checks I secured my gear and my motorcycle and got to a hotel late.

That’s the trip so far and that’s what it has taken to make it from North America through Central America into South America. I’ll be back to talk all about my South American adventures soon! God bless!

Through Central America by Motorcycle

PETER PIPER WHO GOT HIS PICKLE PEPPERED

This is a true story from my brother’s wedding weekend. I hope you can find some humor in it, because at the time I couldn’t…

So tonight my brother’s finance’s family came over for dinner. As they came over I was eating a pepper I had picked out of the garden. Before I ate it, I sliced the sucker open and scrapped out all the seeds. I ate it no problem and they stood around talking and meeting everyone.

At a lull in the conversation I went to the bathroom to pee. It didn’t even occur to me that I should wash my hands before I put my pepper juiced hands all over my pecker.

I walked out of the bathroom still no problems and continued on socializing. Then slowly like a fire ant from hell my willy and surrounding sack lit up like the heat only a bonfire in death valley could produce. I stopped talking. I stopped smiling. My expression quickly turned to panic.

I got short with my mom when she asked me to run something out to my dad on the grill. I quickly completed that task and ran inside to my phone where I consulted Google on how to ease the burn that I only assumed could be cured by chopping my ramburgler off.

I found several Yahoo answer threads written in all caps pleasing for a solution before the author’s would say something along the lines of, “HELP ME BEFORE I KILL MYSELF!!!” Being in the same situation and feeling the pain I couldn’t help but crack a slight smile despite the discomfort.

Unfortunately, for me the only solution to this problem seemed to be dipping my schlong into some cold milk. So seeing this as my only option, I walked back into the kitchen with a strained smile on my face and poured a glass of milk promptly to take back with me to the bathroom.

In the bathroom I submerged and splashed my woohoo until I could feel the heat start to disapate. It felt so good while submerged, but I quickly realized this releif was only temporary. I had to go back out of the bathroom. So I flushed the milk down and tried my best to keep it together in front of company.

At another break in socializing, maybe 10 minutes later, I gunned it for my parents bathroom as the pain simply was not subsiding. Here I doused my Johnson with as much baby powder as could fit in my pants.

The rest of the night went as good as one could imagine. I suppressed my hell raised longfellow and tried to be cordial. But seriously it started to go away after 45 minutes and I kind of forgot about it, but I will never forget the lesson I learned tonight.

So fellas let this be a warning. Wash your hands before peeing if you’ve dealt with something spicy. You will want to chop your Peter off or at the very least scrub it with some whole milk.

PETER PIPER WHO GOT HIS PICKLE PEPPERED