New Year, New Me

It’s been an odd New Year for me. Typically this is the time of year when I get all sentimental and I lament on all the things that have happened through the past year. I really like doing that because of the gratitude for the past year and excitement for the upcoming year it produces. This year, however, I went to bed at 11:30pm and I didn’t do a lot of reflecting. I guess this is me getting to it now.

This also isn’t a post to talk about my resolutions, though I do have a couple (retirement savings, read a book each month), but rather a post to talk about the lessons and mindset I learned in the past year that I will carry into the next year. Throughout the pandemic, most people have gotten pretty used to having their plans canceled or changed and I am no different. At times it has been pretty disheartening, but now standing on the other side of a new year I can see all the great things that God has done in my life despite the many failures of my own plans. It reminds me of Proverbs 19:21, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” That verse is a huge comfort to me and it is probably the biggest lesson I’ve learned in this past year.

That lesson was really cemented on my trip to Peru this past August. On Instagram, I posted a picture of me at Machu Picchu and this was the caption I put:

“This past year has not been at all what I thought it would be. I’ve had opportunities taken from me and failure has plagued the opportunities I did have. I’ve struggled to feel any semblance of progress in any aspect of where I thought I wanted my life to go. About two months ago I wrote a list of five goals I wanted to accomplish in the coming years. Already three of those goals probably won’t happen.

Nothing ever works out as expected. However, sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff. This trip has been a big perspective shift for me and really it has helped me rediscover the gratitude I have been lacking recently. God has been unbelievably good to me, even throughout this past year, and this picture is just one example of the unexpected good stuff.”

I think the moral of my story for 2021 can be well summarized by the Chinese proverb below:

Sāi Wēng lived on the border and he raised horses for a living. One day, he lost one of his prized horses. After hearing of the misfortune, his neighbor felt sorry for him and came to comfort him. But Sāi Wēng simply asked, “How could we know it is not a good thing for me?”

After a while, the lost horse returned and with another beautiful horse. The neighbor came over again and congratulated Sāi Wēng on his good fortune. But Sāi Wēng simply asked, “How could we know it is not a bad thing for me?”

One day, his son went out for a ride with the new horse. He was violently thrown from the horse and broke his leg. The neighbors once again expressed their condolences to Sāi Wēng, but Sāi Wēng simply said, “How could we know it is not a good thing for me?” One year later, the Emperor’s army arrived at the village to recruit all able-bodied men to fight in the war. Because of his injury, Sāi Wēng’s son could not go off to war, and was spared from certain death.

When I look at the experiences in my life in isolation they may appear black and white as either a good or a bad thing, but how many times have bad things led to things so much brighter than the good we were hoping for in the first place? The answer in my life is almost always. In my 2020 “Be on the Road” post I reflected on the last decade as I started 2020. In that post, you can see how the Lord’s purpose prevailed and His plans turned out so much greater and more fulfilling than my own plans ever could have! The point is that things don’t happen in isolation. Everything is connected in this life and you never know how one seemingly insignificant thing could affect everything.


Another thing I realized in the past year with so many plans not coming to fruition was the importance of still living your life. You have to find things that make you feel alive! A lot of things are made more difficult because of Covid, but you have to find alternative things to do. What you can’t do is wait and do things that make you feel alive later. You never know if later will come. For me, nature is always open. Climbing mountains and exploring is the outlet for my adventurous spirit. The last thing I want is to be retired finally ready to do the things I’ve always wanted just to find out I’m too old to learn a new sport, to climb that mountain, or to go skiing in the Alps. Life is best lived with some urgency. If you want to do something do it now because you never know if you’ll get another opportunity.

The current job training I’m at is very physically demanding and an injury could mean that you will be sent home or pushed back and stuck here in this training environment longer. To a lot of people that means taking it easy and not taking any risks. I can’t argue with that and I completely understand that choice, but just like the proverb with the Chinese farmer, you never know what will happen. If I had stopped practicing jiu-jitsu, something that gives me immense joy, just because I was going to training soon I would have missed out on so much growth and improvement. The work training ended up getting delayed three times. If I had stopped jiu jitsu when I was supposed to start the first time I would have missed months of something I loved for nothing. Now, while I’m here training, I have an opportunity to explore parts of the country I’ve never seen before. I went skiing on an actual mountain for the first time in my life and it was amazing! I took fewer risks than I normally would have, but that still didn’t stop me from flying down the mountain with a giant grin on my face and falling a couple of times. If I didn’t do this now, I probably never would have the opportunity again. I have some big long-term Army things coming up in the future shortly after I finish work training here. If I had that timid conservative attitude about getting hurt it would be cumulatively two years before I would be able to do the things I want to do. To me, that’s not what life is for and it’s not living.

This upcoming year for me is about living life with urgency and enjoying every moment I can. Life moves fast and you never know how much time you really have. It’s also about embracing the “good” and the “bad” because you never truly know the impact those moments have in your life. The only thing I do know is that it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails!

New Year, New Me

What I’m Thankful For

Today is Thanksgiving and I have a lot to be thankful for! Currently, I’m out of Michigan away at some government training. I’ll be here until I graduate in April. After graduation, I’ll be moving to Phoenix where I’ll be working. I’m very thankful for the job opportunity and for Phoenix over some worse locations I could have gotten! The rest of the post will be catching up with what I’ve been up to and what I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful for the beauty of our country and of my home state Michigan. Now that I’m away, I have the opportunity to appreciate the beauty of other parts of the country. However, before I left I made a fall colors trip to the Upper Peninsula. There was this train bridge off in the woods near Negaunee, MI that I’ve always wanted to explore so I hiked out there to see how the colors were. I was a little early, but it is still an awesome spot and I’m glad I got to check it out before I leave Michigan for a while.

I’m also super thankful for my family! It’s a bummer to be away while they gather for Thanksgiving, but I know that they are supportive of what I’m doing and I know I’ll be seeing them soon in the future. They have been so helpful in helping me move all of my stuff and storing it while I’m at training. My dad will deliver my truck to me here at training soon as well. I’m especially thankful that I was able to make it to meet and witness my newest niece, Claire’s, baptism in Virginia before I headed to training.

Since my time in Michigan is over, for now, my military career is up in the air. It will come down to where I think God can use me best. I am blessed to have many opportunities, and for now, I am deciding between staying with my current unit for a potential deployment or transferring to the Reserves or National Guard in Arizona. Lots to contemplate. All I know for now is that it has been an absolute honor to be a platoon leader. I have learned so much about leadership and about myself in the two years I have been leading my platoon. Even if this is just temporary and I will come back to lead them in the future, I am very thankful for all the men I have worked with that have helped me grow and develop into the leader I am today.

I’m so thankful for the sport of jiu-jitsu and the life lessons and friends it has given me. At my last class, I was surprised with a promotion to purple belt. Coach Carl said some nice things about me and then he asked me if I had anything to say. I hadn’t planned anything, but it was one of those moments where everything comes from the heart. I gave a speech with my voice quivering with emotion as I spoke and at the end, Coach was choked up and several people in the class were crying. That’s how much this gym and the people there mean to me. I am looking forward to dropping back in when I’m in town.

Lastly, I’m so thankful especially for two of the guys above (both closest to me). Wyatt and Aaron have been my roommates for the last three years and have dealt with me leaving for 6 months at a time on multiple occasions. They have managed everything at the house without any complaints. We had so many good times camping, watching sports, going to bars, playing cards, and just chilling around talking about life or watching movies. Leaving them feels like it’s the end of an era.

Overall, I am incredibly blessed! God has been so good to me. Covid hasn’t been easy for anyone, but the people that have been there for me during this time have been such a blessing. I’m excited to finally start moving forward into a new chapter and I’m sure I’ll the people from this closing chapter will be reappearing in the next! God bless!

What I’m Thankful For

You Never Know if You Never Try

This next post is a raw copy and paste out of my journal with some notes in parentheses to add some context.

Well, I failed out of RTAC (pre-ranger course). We had our land nav (Land navigation test – compass, map, and protractor to find points out in the woods) retest today and we woke up at 2am to get ready and eat an MRE (Meal Ready to Eat) before we got on the bus. This day went better than the first and I had two points at a reasonable time in the morning but it took so long to get back to the other side of the course, that by the time I did I did not have time to get the other points.

I was praying the whole time that I would find my points and I was praying that I would pass and God delivered a few points to me right after I was done praying but I guess he has other plans. I was only able to find 2 out of the 5 points. We got back and did hygiene and I started to process that I will probably get dropped. That was a complete bummer. We packed up all our gear and I got offered RTLI (a pre-pre-ranger course designed for basic training students) and then to roll into the next ranger class. I turned that down. It would have put me all the way in September ranger class and I can’t wait that long.

I came to the conclusion that the time had kind of passed for me to put everything into ranger. Had I passed RTAC I wouldn’t have left ranger school until I got my tab, but I just don’t have the heart for the extended pre-ranger timeline at this point knowing I have other opportunities that I am excited about. A year ago I was much more physically ready not having come right out of JRTC (previous training I finished recently) and had nothing else going on and all I wanted to do was go to ranger. At this point, I have a final offer to be a border patrol agent that I’m excited about and is my full-time job opportunity. I am really disappointed in myself for not passing ranger school. However, at the end of the day, God has a plan and before I went to pre-ranger school I was contemplating even going once I got my border patrol offer. This made it clear to me what opportunity I should pursue and honestly I am in such a blessed position to have options that cause such a serious deliberation. So it’s on to the next.

I still can’t help but feel disappointed in myself for failing. I’ve never failed a land navigation course in my army career and this just happened to be the one that meant the most to me. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the way life shakes out sometimes. There is also a part of me that is upset and honestly embarrassed that I told so many people that they wouldn’t see me for months and that I would be gone at ranger school. My company commander, 1SG, battalion, and army peers will probably be disappointed. My family, including my retired ranger uncle, and friends who were praying and rooting for me will be sad for me and also probably a little disappointed as well. I’ll show up at the jiu-jitsu gym and people will ask why I’m back already and I’ll have to explain to all these people that I failed. It’s embarrassing and I was not looking forward to it. Honestly, I’m still not looking forward to that, but I’m getting to a healthier mentality with it. I got closer by thinking about a speech Teddy Roosevelt gave. It’s come to be known as “The Man in the Arena.”

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Yes, I have to deal with my failures and with those who might point them out, but at the end of it all, you never know if you never try. Like Roosevelt said if I’m going to fail I might as well fail while daring greatly. So yes I failed pre-ranger school and ultimately my shot at actual ranger school. It doesn’t mean I can’t dare again, but at this moment in time there are other opportunities for me to get in the arena and that is what I’ll do. Ranger school will still be there and I would like to go back, but at the very least I can hold my head up high knowing that I tried.

You Never Know if You Never Try