Thoughts

Ease Quam Videri

wildboom

I’m a little late to the party, but the Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma was making waves when it first came out about the dangers and damage that social media can cause. While there are certainly issues with how social media can influence democracy and affect how people face discrimination, the issue that personally spoke to me was how it’s impacting mental health. Between 2009 and 2017, rates of depression among kids ages 14 to 17 increased by more than 60% with other adolescent age groups experiencing increases nearly as steep.

I feel I have a unique perspective growing up right at the rise of social media as we know it today. When I started high school Instagram, Snapchat, and even Facebook messenger didn’t exist yet. I got my first cell phone right around the beginning of high school and it was one of those cool ones with the slide-out keyboard; a dumbphone. I can remember a specific time in high school where I had a crush on a girl and since I was interested in her I got her phone number and texted her on my sweet slide-out keyboard. I can contrast that directly to a later memory in high school when I was caught up on my smartphone checking different social media apps to see who a girl’s best friends on Snapchat were and how long of a “streak” (how many days in a row you’ve communicated without a break) we had or if she liked my last Instagram picture. In hindsight, I can see how all of these social media platforms complicated what is already an awkward and difficult time in people’s lives. Today’s kids don’t even have the contrast that I had of simply texting a girl on my dumbphone.

“We are a sad generation with happy pictures.”

The quote above is one that I have seen frequently as younger generations, myself included, have become aware of the downfalls of social media. In a lot of ways, social media has robbed us of living in the moment with friends and those around us and replaced it with thoughts of how you are going to share the cool thing you are doing with others on social media so that you seem cool or more fun. We try to seem fun instead of having fun. So much emphasis has been put on our outward appearance that we forget our inward identity. The Latin phrase “Ease quam videri” means “to be, rather than to seem.” I find a lot of beauty in that saying because it’s a reminder that your identity isn’t based on how others see you, but our identity is based on who we truly are and what we believe. That’s why I think it is imperative that, especially adolescents, understand what their beliefs are and how God sees them rather than how Instagram sees them. They need to understand their value is based on their inward identity as a follower of Christ. That’s my biggest piece of advice to those growing up and figuring out who they are in this social media era.

“If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless. But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.”

Philippians 3:4-7

Trying to control your image, through social media and even before it existed, breeds a sense of superiority since it is most often done out of pride. It doesn’t matter that Paul seemed like the perfect follower of God because what he actually was was something different. Paul rejected Jesus as his Savior and even persecuted his followers. To the world he seemed like a righteous man, but it was the opposite in God’s eyes. It wasn’t until on that road to Damascus that Paul’s eyes were opened and he saw Jesus’s love. His identity had completely changed as, through God’s grace, he turned from his old identity to a new one as God’s servant. When I consider how God treated Paul, a persecutor of his own Son, I am in complete awe. If God can take someone who was completely against him and use him instead for his plan of salvation than how much more could use your or me? Consider that when you think of your outward identity. Just as Paul’s persona as a righteous man would have led to hell, in the same way the amount of likes or comments on your post can’t save you either. However, are a child of God and his tool in this sinful world with the opportunity to share his love to advance his plan of salvation regardless of how many followers you have or likes you get. Know you have your true identity in Jesus!

People say that life was simpler before social media and the internet and I tend to agree, but that doesn’t mean that those platforms are evil. If we start to feel as though our identities are being defined by social media then that is a good opportunity for us to look at how that compares to our true identity in Jesus. Social media may very well be a platform for us to continue Gods plan of salvation by sharing his love, but that is the perspective we must continually be considering when posting and browsing through content. It is so easy to get caught up in how we want to appear and to get caught peering down the rabbit hole of worldly living as we browse, but social media is not what we are. It’s a shallow outward appearance without depth. It is so often the highlights and never the bad times. So next time you go to use social media remember that you don’t have to “seem” a certain way because you know who you are; a loved and forgiven child of God.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

1 Peter 3:3-4

Recently I have felt so convicted by times I was chasing after what other people deemed as important and by my own selfish living that I rejoice that God has brought me to this spot in my life. 2020 was not an easy year for me, as for many, but it was through these struggles that God put me on my back so that I could finally start looking up. God is showing me that His plans are greater than mine and that he has a reason for everything. Through all these struggles I have been praying more than I have ever had. I hope to continue that in the new year and, in line with this post, I also hope to use social media less and more intentionally when I do. I pray that you remember how Jesus sees you rather than how social media does. God bless!

Ease Quam Videri

Year Zero: a film about escaping the Khmer Rouge

wildboom

Years ago, before I started high school in Saginaw and went off to college, I was learning Tae Kwon Do from a local teacher in rural Michigan where I grew up. This local teacher happened to be a national competitor in his competitions days and is now a 7th-degree master blackbelt. It was this teacher that ignited my love for martial arts and taught me so many life lessons, especially the importance of discipline, at such an impressionable time in my life.

It was always weird to me that such an accomplished man and martial artist lived in what most consider “the middle of nowhere.” One day in class he told a story, the one portrayed in the video above, about how he ended up making his way to Bad Axe, MI as a refugee. There was a reason we bowed to the American flag before class. The freedoms we enjoy here in America are blessings, blessings that didn’t exist for him as a child and still don’t exist for many in the world today.

Many years later, after college, I stopped back into the restaurant that his family owns in Bad Axe, MI, and I talked to him about my plans to travel and my plans to travel to Cambodia in particular. He gave me his advice and phone number to call in case I needed help, but what I received when I got to Cambodia was an even greater appreciation and respect for a great man who impacted my life more than he probably knows. Being at the killing fields I got to connect the dots back to that story from class and really feel the inhumanity that took place and understand the perspective that he was trying to instill in us through Tae Kwon Do.

I feel really fortunate to have been taught and impacted so greatly by this teacher and I am really excited to be able to share this story so that it can impact others as well. That wouldn’t be possible or nearly as effective without the beautiful film put together by his son, David Siev. I highly encourage you to take 15 minutes out of your day and watch this film. You’ll be better for it!

Year Zero: a film about escaping the Khmer Rouge

He who has a why…

wildboom

…to live can bear almost any how.

Sometimes, and quite frankly recently, “Life [feels] indistinguishable from effortful maintenance.” Recently, and hopefully, mostly in my rear-view mirror, I’ve been down in the dumps about life. I’ve struggled with many circumstances I can’t control. There were many things I had planned and many directions I thought I could go. Those plans were canceled and most of those directions lead elsewhere now. I’ve been left stuck in the in-between waiting for the next thing big life event to happen. Waiting and hoping that maybe that next destination will bring happiness.

Coming out of Officer Candidate School I had a 6-month wait back home until my Infantry Officer training. Now, after recently completing that I am at home again with what was supposed to be another 6-month wait, turned indefinite due to COVID. I’ve been living life in these 6-month blocks of major life accomplishments followed by blocks of seemingly nothing. I’ve felt irritated at times knowing that I would have to wait through a block of nothing until I had a chance to tackle the next major life accomplishment block. However, in reality, these blocks of time weren’t really “nothing.” The problem was my mindset. Any amount of time that you have, no matter how long or short, is an opportunity and I lost sight of that. Lamenting on that, I wrote this as my New Year’s resolution for 2020:

“This past year I’ve been really guilty of letting time slip past me. I’ve been in between major life events and have just been trying to pass the time until I can get those major life events taken care of and accomplished. However, I really forgot to live while passing that in-between time. I forgot to live in the present and assumed I could have fun in the future when those things are out of the way. There is never as much as we think and nobody is promised tomorrow. This year a major resolution of mine is to live in the present and enjoy the small things.”

In hindsight, it’s amazing to me that I wrote this because it is a message I need now more than ever. Regardless, it’s been hard to stay true to that resolution, especially with so many things changing and being outside of my control. However, having that resolution in my notes is a good reminder that it is always good to stop and smell the roses! I’ve been trying to appreciate what I have got in the here and now, but more than that I need to take advantage of the time I have now for the opportunity that it is. It isn’t the life-changing opportunity that I want it to be, but maybe only because I’m not treating it that way?

I’ve rewritten and deleted this post several times trying to figure out the right way to word this post and tie it into some coherent glimmer of hope, but I’ve struggled to find the right words. Instead, I will leave you with some words of wisdom from someone much smarter than myself, my Jiu Jitsu coach.

One evening after class my coach took the time to talk to us about it being okay if you are struggling or going through a tough time in light of the current circumstances. To provide some context, he is a LLMSW (Master’s degree in social work) and a professional therapist. He talked primarily about how important it is to have goals. He, himself, is a two-time Jiu Jitsu black belt national champion, which were obvious goals for him at the time. He went on to say that the goals he had before COVID were not the same as the ones since. It took some introspection, but he was able to determine some new goals that would help him be the man he wants to be while still fitting within the limitations of our current circumstances. Despite being a two-time national champion, it took COVID for him to achieve his goals of quitting video games and eating sweets. While being a national champ is cool, which is more beneficial to him long term? For his overall wellbeing for the rest of his life, unarguably no sweets or video games is! You need to have a why! You need to identify some meaning in your life. For him, it was to be a better, healthier (mentally and physically) husband and father.

The same night he gave that speech he also left his message on our group page, and it had a positive affect on me so that is what I would like to leave with you those of you reading:

“Evening team, it is amazing getting back on the mats with all of you.
I continue to hear “coach, I am struggling” Struggling with finances, anxiety, anger, sadness, grief, motivation, and just a general sense of feeling lost. Many other things.
I had an interesting conversation with someone who said “I don’t believe (blank disorder) is a disorder, it’s just a normal reaction. While I am not 100 percent in agreement with this, I am in 100 percent agreement with the sentiment. The struggle is part of life. It’s NORMAL to feel lost, to feel sad, angry, anxious, frustrated, it is a troubling time for everyone. Rest assured – I can guarantee you even the steadiest of humans have experienced these things in this environment. There is nothing wrong with you. THERE IS a level to where one might need professional help – that is ok. If you need that, get it.
So much of our life has been put on hold, so many of the challenges we crave have been taken from us (for now). While life is slowly adjusting to a new slightly different normal than we had 7 months ago we are all faced with a universal challenge – the challenge to hold on to our values and aspirations through the storm. Many of our goals seem so far off an we are challenged by the here and now, it is easy to lose sight of what we want, and more importantly WHO we want to be.
Now is not the time to give in or give up. Perhaps your goals have changed, and that is ok, but continue to live a life driven by values – despite
Sometimes we cannot do anything but fall, but how far? How deep will you let the negative events in your life drag you down? Sometimes success is making the fewest mistakes and taking the fewest steps back possible.
Stay strong team and reach out if you need it!”

He who has a why…