He who has a why…

…to live can bear almost any how.

Sometimes, and quite frankly recently, “Life [feels] indistinguishable from effortful maintenance.” Recently, and hopefully, mostly in my rear-view mirror, I’ve been down in the dumps about life. I’ve struggled with many circumstances I can’t control. There were many things I had planned and many directions I thought I could go. Those plans were canceled and most of those directions lead elsewhere now. I’ve been left stuck in the in-between waiting for the next thing big life event to happen. Waiting and hoping that maybe that next destination will bring happiness.

Coming out of Officer Candidate School I had a 6-month wait back home until my Infantry Officer training. Now, after recently completing that I am at home again with what was supposed to be another 6-month wait, turned indefinite due to COVID. I’ve been living life in these 6-month blocks of major life accomplishments followed by blocks of seemingly nothing. I’ve felt irritated at times knowing that I would have to wait through a block of nothing until I had a chance to tackle the next major life accomplishment block. However, in reality, these blocks of time weren’t really “nothing.” The problem was my mindset. Any amount of time that you have, no matter how long or short, is an opportunity and I lost sight of that. Lamenting on that, I wrote this as my New Year’s resolution for 2020:

“This past year I’ve been really guilty of letting time slip past me. I’ve been in between major life events and have just been trying to pass the time until I can get those major life events taken care of and accomplished. However, I really forgot to live while passing that in-between time. I forgot to live in the present and assumed I could have fun in the future when those things are out of the way. There is never as much as we think and nobody is promised tomorrow. This year a major resolution of mine is to live in the present and enjoy the small things.”

In hindsight, it’s amazing to me that I wrote this because it is a message I need now more than ever. Regardless, it’s been hard to stay true to that resolution, especially with so many things changing and being outside of my control. However, having that resolution in my notes is a good reminder that it is always good to stop and smell the roses! I’ve been trying to appreciate what I have got in the here and now, but more than that I need to take advantage of the time I have now for the opportunity that it is. It isn’t the life-changing opportunity that I want it to be, but maybe only because I’m not treating it that way?

I’ve rewritten and deleted this post several times trying to figure out the right way to word this post and tie it into some coherent glimmer of hope, but I’ve struggled to find the right words. Instead, I will leave you with some words of wisdom from someone much smarter than myself, my Jiu Jitsu coach.

One evening after class my coach took the time to talk to us about it being okay if you are struggling or going through a tough time in light of the current circumstances. To provide some context, he is a LLMSW (Master’s degree in social work) and a professional therapist. He talked primarily about how important it is to have goals. He, himself, is a two-time Jiu Jitsu black belt national champion, which were obvious goals for him at the time. He went on to say that the goals he had before COVID were not the same as the ones since. It took some introspection, but he was able to determine some new goals that would help him be the man he wants to be while still fitting within the limitations of our current circumstances. Despite being a two-time national champion, it took COVID for him to achieve his goals of quitting video games and eating sweets. While being a national champ is cool, which is more beneficial to him long term? For his overall wellbeing for the rest of his life, unarguably no sweets or video games is! You need to have a why! You need to identify some meaning in your life. For him, it was to be a better, healthier (mentally and physically) husband and father.

The same night he gave that speech he also left his message on our group page, and it had a positive affect on me so that is what I would like to leave with you those of you reading:

“Evening team, it is amazing getting back on the mats with all of you.
I continue to hear “coach, I am struggling” Struggling with finances, anxiety, anger, sadness, grief, motivation, and just a general sense of feeling lost. Many other things.
I had an interesting conversation with someone who said “I don’t believe (blank disorder) is a disorder, it’s just a normal reaction. While I am not 100 percent in agreement with this, I am in 100 percent agreement with the sentiment. The struggle is part of life. It’s NORMAL to feel lost, to feel sad, angry, anxious, frustrated, it is a troubling time for everyone. Rest assured – I can guarantee you even the steadiest of humans have experienced these things in this environment. There is nothing wrong with you. THERE IS a level to where one might need professional help – that is ok. If you need that, get it.
So much of our life has been put on hold, so many of the challenges we crave have been taken from us (for now). While life is slowly adjusting to a new slightly different normal than we had 7 months ago we are all faced with a universal challenge – the challenge to hold on to our values and aspirations through the storm. Many of our goals seem so far off an we are challenged by the here and now, it is easy to lose sight of what we want, and more importantly WHO we want to be.
Now is not the time to give in or give up. Perhaps your goals have changed, and that is ok, but continue to live a life driven by values – despite
Sometimes we cannot do anything but fall, but how far? How deep will you let the negative events in your life drag you down? Sometimes success is making the fewest mistakes and taking the fewest steps back possible.
Stay strong team and reach out if you need it!”

He who has a why…

2020 “Be on the Road”

If you don’t know me that well then you might not know that I like cheesy quotes. As we have started this new year and this new decade there is one in particular that has been on my mind. It goes like this:

“If you don’t know where you are going any road will get you there.”

I like that saying so much because I often feel like I have no idea where I’m going in life and there might not be a direction that speaks to me. Sometimes there is, but most often there isn’t and that’s okay. It’s not even that I need a destination and even if you do have one that’s not really the point. The point is to be on the road.

Another cliche saying talks about life as a journey and not a destination. It’s also been said as “The road is better than the inn.” They mean the same thing. In both, you can’t enjoy the journey unless you’re on the road. So even if you have no direction. You have to get on the road and you have to move forward. It doesn’t matter what road. It doesn’t matter if you take two steps forward and one step back. It doesn’t matter if you take one step a month. You just have to make sure you are moving forward.

There were times in my life where I thought I had it all figured out, but life is full of surprises. At the end of my undergrad at CMU, it was down to the last two for a graduate assistantship that would have paid for my entire master’s degree. I thought this was the plan. I was confident the assistantship was mine, but they gave it to the other person. The destination that I had been moving towards quickly became far less concrete. I had to think about whether it was something I really wanted to do. If it was free sure I’d do it, but when I was forced to slow down and think about it I definitely wasn’t confident enough to pay for it out of my own pocket.

Instead, I decided I would take the time to travel. It was the perfect time in my life where I didn’t have anything tying me down. I had a new direction. Part of that direction was pursuing Muay Thai fighting in Thailand. I always loved sports and this was my opportunity to pursue a sport seriously and without the restraints of a full-time job and the more expensive cost of living, I would have had in America. Then I got knocked out in a training round and bounced my head off the concrete suffering a concussion. That derailed my plans and made me really consider the dangers of the sport I was pursuing. It didn’t stop me from stepping into the ring and having one fight, but it probably stopped me from devoting a lot of time and energy to a sport with pretty severe long term consequences. Again the direction changed. This time I focused solely on traveling. I ended up having an amazing trip that spanned 7 months, 34 countries, and 4 continents. I saw so much. I learned so much and that made me really appreciative of what we have in America.

Those experiences abroad made me acutely aware of all the blessings we have and how I had taken many of them for granted. The power of an American passport, the power of being a native English speaker, the power of the American dollar and the ability to make a decent wage, and so many other things were on full display when I was traveling. The United States has given me so many opportunities and as a result, I wanted to do my part and serve. As soon as I got back I joined the Army National Guard. I made so many great friends through training and the Army has opened up so many opportunities for me.

If my original plan of grad school had worked out as I had planned I would have missed out on so many memories and experiences I can’t imagine living without. Instead, I stayed on the road and kept moving forward even if it was a different road than I started on. Now I’m one class away from my master’s degree except this time the Army is paying for it.

Now, as I move forward now into a new decade I have some plans, but in a lot of ways, I still don’t feel like I know where I’m going. But as I learned from the previous decade plans are prone to failure and destinations are always changing, but one thing is for sure. If you stay on the road and keep moving forward you will be surprised where the road takes you.

Big Personal Impacts in the Last Decade

  1. Started high school
  2. Started first real job at Dairy Queen
  3. Started wrestling
  4. Graduated high school
  5. Started college at Central Michigan University
  6. Started working in the college athletic department
  7. First solo trip to Nicaragua at age 19
  8. Bought my first house in the hood of Saginaw to rent out
  9. Graduated from CMU
  10. Bought a one-way plane ticket to Vietnam
  11. Trained Muay Thai and had a semi-pro fight
  12. Traveled the Transiberian Railroad
  13. Saw the Great Wall, Lake Baikal, Auschwitz, Berlin Wall, Eifell Tower, Mona Lisa, the Rock of Gibraltar, and other cool stuff
  14. Slept in the Sahara desert
  15. Sailed a crossed the Atlantic ocean from the coast of Africa to the Carribean (Canary islands to Antigua)
  16. Bought a house to live in, with friends, in Saginaw
  17. Joined the Army National Guard and got commissioned as an officer
  18. Army training and the friends I made
  19. Started training jiu jitsu
  20. Started my Master’s degree

Those are just some of the things that I accomplished in the last decade. I’m excited to see where the road takes me in the 2020s. God bless!

2020 “Be on the Road”

Summer’s Gone

I have not done as good of a job at updating the blog as I would have liked, but I have an excuse and it’s school. I’m taking 18 graduate-level credits this semester and it is pretty draining. I am working towards my Master of Science in Administration with a leadership concentration. I only have so much mental bandwidth and unfortunately is goes to school instead of fun, creative thoughts that I might post here.

I have had some creative thoughts and ideas that I wanted to touch on here, but I really haven’t had time to really expand on them. If I do have some free time I try to spend it with family or friends and that’s what I’ve been doing.

All things considered, I’ve had a good summer! I had two weeks of annual training and then two and a half weeks of a warfighter exercise so I did lose about a month of summer to Army training. But I learned so much through those experiences and I made some good relationships. Aside from Army training and classes I made a couple of camping trips with friends and family and made it to a couple of weddings. Pretty recently I went tailgating in Wisconsin for their game against Central Michigan University and then this past weekend (10/12/2019) I went to Central Michigan’s homecoming and had a lot of fun with old college friends. Below is a mash-up of my summer photo highlights:

School has been going well and I actually had a really interesting emotional intelligence class during the summer. That class was actually valuable and I think I learned some stuff. For the most part, though I’ve been jumping through the hoops and not absorbing too much. I am a firm believer in Pareto’s principle which says that 80% of the result comes from 20% of the effort. An 80% is passing so if I can get away with 20% effort in the classes you better believe I’ll do it. Most of the classes are a waste of time anyway. If I want to be a better leader I would be reading biographies of great leaders and I would spend more mental bandwidth trying to lead as an officer in the Army National Guard. Instead, that mental bandwidth is going to classwork. As much as I complain about it I am excited that I’ve been given the opportunity to get a free master’s degree. Maybe someday it will get me where I want to go.

In lieu of my lack of creative thoughts, here is an assignment I did for a diversity class. I interviewed my Brazilian coworker Denis:

Diversity Interview

For the personal interview paper assignment, I chose to interview my coworker – Denis. Denis works as a welder at the guitar shop where I work. Denis is originally from Brazil where he met an American girl studying abroad. They fell in love and at first, she intended to stay in Brazil. However, Denis’s family encouraged him to follow her back to America where they believed there would be more opportunities for him. Denis doesn’t get to see his family much unless he travels to see them in Brazil. However, at the time of this interview, his parents had just left after visiting and staying with him for a month on their first trip to visit him in the United States.


Q: Growing up what was your perception of the work culture in Brazil? Do you think it was accurate?
A: “My perception of work culture in Brazil was that in order to do well, in whatever job it was, you needed to work hard. Growing up I watched my dad work hard and get ahead based on his work ethic. When I started working, I found that was true – hard workers were rewarded.”

Q: When you came to America what was your perception of the work culture? How has it changed since you’ve been here?
A: “When I came to America, I thought that you needed an education to; 1. Get a job, and 2. succeed. Now I know there are many jobs you can get without having an education but I think in order to really be successful in America, unless you get lucky, an education is necessary.”

Q: What are the biggest differences in work culture between America and Brazil and how do they affect you?
A: “I think the work culture in America is more easy going. People can have flexible schedules or time off depending on their situation. The pressure to work at a fast pace is less in America. Also, there’s not such a thing as a “sick day” in Brazil, unless you have a doctor’s note.”

Q: How did you feel when you worked with people from different cultures?
A: “I think it depends on the person. I’ve worked with Americans who are hard to get along with and I’ve worked with Americans who have become great friends. It really depends on the person, not their culture, I guess.”

Q: What were the benefits that you got from working with people from different cultures?
A: “Learning new working styles and understanding how someone else might approach a project differently from me.”

Q: What were the challenges that you faced with working with people from different cultures?
A: “Adapting to a different work philosophy was hard at first. In the beginning, language was the biggest challenge, obviously. Sometimes people don’t have the patience.”

Q: Have you suffered any discrimination or stereotyping based on your ethnicity?
A: “Yes, like I said before, some people are hard to get along with. If you’re having a bad day it’s easy to take it out on someone different from you. Or someone new to the company. Or someone you don’t respect for whatever reason. But that’s not only an American thing.”
Q: Has a shift in the US political climate ever caused any issues for you or does it cause any anxiety or concern?
A: “Not really. I believe if you came into this country the right way, you shouldn’t feel any anxiety or concern. I’m here legally, paying taxes like any American or other legal immigrant. I don’t use food stamps or government aid. That gives me peace.”

Q: Are there any obstacles that you have had to overcome? How did you overcome them?
A: “The language barrier took some time and practice. Also getting used to American customs – small things like greetings and goodbyes are different than in Brazil.”

Q: What was the hardest thing to adapt to when you moved to the United States?
A: “The climate was hard to adapt to because I came from a tropical country. Driving in the snow was tough at first. Being away from family and friends was hard and it never gets easier.”

Denis has faced discrimination as have many foreigners in America. However, Denis is able to take it in stride and stay focused on working hard and making the most of his opportunities here. He is fortunate to have the support of his American wife not only emotionally, but with a marriage visa. That makes his path to employment much easier than many less fortunate immigrants. Apart from dealing with discrimination and cold Michigan winters adapting to the language and the work culture has been difficult. However, Denis finds being away from friends and family the hardest, which is a good reminder that no matter where you are from there is always common ground and that our core values might actually be more similar than they are different.

…hope you enjoyed my homework more than I did! Hopefully, I can get back in the groove and think more creatively and post more often!

-Sam

Summer’s Gone