Years ago, before I started high school in Saginaw and went off to college, I was learning Tae Kwon Do from a local teacher in rural Michigan where I grew up. This local teacher happened to be a national competitor in his competitions days and is now a 7th-degree master blackbelt. It was this teacher that ignited my love for martial arts and taught me so many life lessons, especially the importance of discipline, at such an impressionable time in my life.
It was always weird to me that such an accomplished man and martial artist lived in what most consider “the middle of nowhere.” One day in class he told a story, the one portrayed in the video above, about how he ended up making his way to Bad Axe, MI as a refugee. There was a reason we bowed to the American flag before class. The freedoms we enjoy here in America are blessings, blessings that didn’t exist for him as a child and still don’t exist for many in the world today.
Many years later, after college, I stopped back into the restaurant that his family owns in Bad Axe, MI, and I talked to him about my plans to travel and my plans to travel to Cambodia in particular. He gave me his advice and phone number to call in case I needed help, but what I received when I got to Cambodia was an even greater appreciation and respect for a great man who impacted my life more than he probably knows. Being at the killing fields I got to connect the dots back to that story from class and really feel the inhumanity that took place and understand the perspective that he was trying to instill in us through Tae Kwon Do.
I feel really fortunate to have been taught and impacted so greatly by this teacher and I am really excited to be able to share this story so that it can impact others as well. That wouldn’t be possible or nearly as effective without the beautiful film put together by his son, David Siev. I highly encourage you to take 15 minutes out of your day and watch this film. You’ll be better for it!
Sometimes, and quite frankly recently, “Life [feels] indistinguishable from effortful maintenance.” Recently, and hopefully, mostly in my rear-view mirror, I’ve been down in the dumps about life. I’ve struggled with many circumstances I can’t control. There were many things I had planned and many directions I thought I could go. Those plans were canceled and most of those directions lead elsewhere now. I’ve been left stuck in the in-between waiting for the next thing big life event to happen. Waiting and hoping that maybe that next destination will bring happiness.
Coming out of Officer Candidate School I had a 6-month wait back home until my Infantry Officer training. Now, after recently completing that I am at home again with what was supposed to be another 6-month wait, turned indefinite due to COVID. I’ve been living life in these 6-month blocks of major life accomplishments followed by blocks of seemingly nothing. I’ve felt irritated at times knowing that I would have to wait through a block of nothing until I had a chance to tackle the next major life accomplishment block. However, in reality, these blocks of time weren’t really “nothing.” The problem was my mindset. Any amount of time that you have, no matter how long or short, is an opportunity and I lost sight of that. Lamenting on that, I wrote this as my New Year’s resolution for 2020:
“This past year I’ve been really guilty of letting time slip past me. I’ve been in between major life events and have just been trying to pass the time until I can get those major life events taken care of and accomplished. However, I really forgot to live while passing that in-between time. I forgot to live in the present and assumed I could have fun in the future when those things are out of the way. There is never as much as we think and nobody is promised tomorrow. This year a major resolution of mine is to live in the present and enjoy the small things.”
In hindsight, it’s amazing to me that I wrote this because it is a message I need now more than ever. Regardless, it’s been hard to stay true to that resolution, especially with so many things changing and being outside of my control. However, having that resolution in my notes is a good reminder that it is always good to stop and smell the roses! I’ve been trying to appreciate what I have got in the here and now, but more than that I need to take advantage of the time I have now for the opportunity that it is. It isn’t the life-changing opportunity that I want it to be, but maybe only because I’m not treating it that way?
I’ve rewritten and deleted this post several times trying to figure out the right way to word this post and tie it into some coherent glimmer of hope, but I’ve struggled to find the right words. Instead, I will leave you with some words of wisdom from someone much smarter than myself, my Jiu Jitsu coach.
One evening after class my coach took the time to talk to us about it being okay if you are struggling or going through a tough time in light of the current circumstances. To provide some context, he is a LLMSW (Master’s degree in social work) and a professional therapist. He talked primarily about how important it is to have goals. He, himself, is a two-time Jiu Jitsu black belt national champion, which were obvious goals for him at the time. He went on to say that the goals he had before COVID were not the same as the ones since. It took some introspection, but he was able to determine some new goals that would help him be the man he wants to be while still fitting within the limitations of our current circumstances. Despite being a two-time national champion, it took COVID for him to achieve his goals of quitting video games and eating sweets. While being a national champ is cool, which is more beneficial to him long term? For his overall wellbeing for the rest of his life, unarguably no sweets or video games is! You need to have a why! You need to identify some meaning in your life. For him, it was to be a better, healthier (mentally and physically) husband and father.
The same night he gave that speech he also left his message on our group page, and it had a positive affect on me so that is what I would like to leave with you those of you reading:
“Evening team, it is amazing getting back on the mats with all of you. I continue to hear “coach, I am struggling” Struggling with finances, anxiety, anger, sadness, grief, motivation, and just a general sense of feeling lost. Many other things. I had an interesting conversation with someone who said “I don’t believe (blank disorder) is a disorder, it’s just a normal reaction. While I am not 100 percent in agreement with this, I am in 100 percent agreement with the sentiment. The struggle is part of life. It’s NORMAL to feel lost, to feel sad, angry, anxious, frustrated, it is a troubling time for everyone. Rest assured – I can guarantee you even the steadiest of humans have experienced these things in this environment. There is nothing wrong with you. THERE IS a level to where one might need professional help – that is ok. If you need that, get it. So much of our life has been put on hold, so many of the challenges we crave have been taken from us (for now). While life is slowly adjusting to a new slightly different normal than we had 7 months ago we are all faced with a universal challenge – the challenge to hold on to our values and aspirations through the storm. Many of our goals seem so far off an we are challenged by the here and now, it is easy to lose sight of what we want, and more importantly WHO we want to be. Now is not the time to give in or give up. Perhaps your goals have changed, and that is ok, but continue to live a life driven by values – despite Sometimes we cannot do anything but fall, but how far? How deep will you let the negative events in your life drag you down? Sometimes success is making the fewest mistakes and taking the fewest steps back possible. Stay strong team and reach out if you need it!”
Coming up with a tribute to someone who means a lot to you, how might one do that? I guess it depends on your talents. If you’re musical, like Jon, perhaps you could write a song or perform a cover of a song that is meaningful to that relationship. If you have adorable children, like Clifton, perhaps you could get away with having them do something cute. If you’re me, you could either do 70 pullups for each year this special person has graced the planet, or you could stay inside and write down some of your favorite memories. I think I’ll share some memories.
There are many places to start, but I think I’ll start with what is more of a confession than a story. I can’t remember exactly how old I was, probably around 6 or 7, when a package showed up out of the blue with Jon and my names on it. The return address was Uncle Roger. Inside were two brand new Swiss Army knives. After the initial safety brief by my dad, I remember wandering around outside carving sticks, throwing it at trees to see if I could get it to stick into them. I also remember having it open in the living room doing who knows what with it when I tragically cut my finger. I remember using the underside of the couch cushions to stop the blood. Pretty much the biggest rule my dad emphasized about this knife was not cutting myself. However, this was still the same day the package arrived. Jon was probably at a more suitable age for owning a knife, but none-the-less I will always remember that Swiss Army knife as my first knife thanks to Uncle Roger. The Swiss Army knife that I carry today still reminds me of Uncle Roger and that first knife.
Another early memory was one of my winter stays with Aunt Chris and Uncle Roger. I’m not sure if it was an unusually large snowfall or that’s just how it seemed to a young kid, but it was the ideal snow for some sledding. Lucky for me Uncle Roger took me to the stairs, all 100 or so, that lead down to the river. I remember flying down the stairs over and over each time compacting the snow more to make the ride a little faster than the one before. It was on one of those fast rides that I came barreling at Uncle Roger a little faster than he expected. He did a quick jumping jack and with his legs still, apart he reached in between his legs just in time to reach the last bit of fabric on my puffy winter coat before I took a joy ride down the remaining stairs and likely into the tree at the bottom of the hill.
When I was a little older Aunt Chris and Uncle Roger took Jon and me on a trip to Chicago. I can’t remember exactly what year it was but I think it was 2005 or 2006. In any case, the iPhone had not yet been released. Uncle Roger was rocking, the now vintage, Palm Pilot Treo. Not sure why he would let a 10-year-old play with it as much as he did, but he did. He let me try all sorts of modifications and new applications (the days before they were simply known as apps). By the end of the trip, his phone could play YouTube before YouTube had even developed and app and it could also stream live TV. The only problem was the calendar and phone no longer worked…
My last memory is of Clifton, Jon, Uncle Roger, and me playing golf in Caseville. I can’t remember my age, but I wasn’t interested enough to do anything other than putt when we were on the green. So, there I was sitting in the cart watching while Uncle Roger patiently gave some sage wisdom to Clifton about teeing off. Jon, the golf prodigy that he was, had already driven the ball down the fairway. I was half paying attention until I heard them yell “FORE!” and at that moment a ball Clifton had somehow hit backward went whizzing past the cart I was sitting in.
I could have done 70 pullups and called it good, but I don’t think that really would have told the full story of my appreciation and love for Uncle Roger. Honestly, there are probably 70 more stories that might get me closer. Reminiscing on those stories and thinking over the 23 years I have known Uncle Roger during his 70-year life so far has filled me with nothing but happy memories. I can confidently say I wouldn’t be quite the adventurous, independent, and happy positive man that I am today if it wasn’t for my Uncle Roger’s encouragement and time spent with me. We’ve had so many good memories together and I look forward too many more. Unfortunately, because of COVID-19, it looks like this birthday won’t be spent with the whole family, but my hope is that it is still a memorable one. Love you Uncle Roger and happy birthday!
